Observations, thoughts and other assorted stuff.
Published on November 18, 2004 By Ravenblack In Life Journals
My earliest memory is that of my paternal grandmother singing to me "Jesus love me yes I know, for the bible tells me so, little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong..." Of course she sung it in the Hokkien dialect, not in English, the words are exactly the same in meaning. Of all things, she is the greatest influence on my choice of belief. She was the one who instilled in me Christian values even before I could speak.

I don't know how old or young i was when she first sung that song to me, but I guess I would be a toddler.

My earliest memory of my mother, was her reading storybooks to me. We would sit down together, with book opened in front of us and read together. I was hooked on reading after that. I think I must have been five or six when I read my first book. I know that's probably late by today's standard. In today's world, once the kid is a year old, the parents might sent him off to playschool. I'm not too clear on the system but it seems to me that kids go to school earlier than they did back then.

There used to be just kindergarten, now there's playschool, preschool and heck knows what. At least that's how it is here.

My earliest memory of my dad is of him getting angry. Barking, growling, snapping. If you think this is unfortunate, you are right. It's hard to recall him not being angry. My earliest memory of him is of him yelling at my mum. Just that one scene that probably lasted for about five minutes - I can't even recall why it happened or how it ended.

I remember on my fifth birthday, he bought me a nice creamy cake and put candles on it. He loved taking photos, so he had his camera out and everything. After that, he instructed me to stand behind the cake and smile. I must have gotten it wrong. He got angry as I recalled. He was becoming absolutely monsterous about it. When you are kid, adults are huge and when they yell down at you, you can feel the angry wind from their shouts. I think I began to cry instead, which just made him all the more angrier.

He insisted to have those pictures taken. Because today I still have those pictures. A little girl, eyes red and puffy, standing in front of her birthday cake, with a forced smile.

I don't think he gave a damn that day that it was my birthday. Father took lots of pics of me when I was a baby. That was supposed to mean he loves me. But his actions throughout my memories of him, was one of control, not love.

My father is long dead and gone. He died from cancer about 18 years ago. 18 years, I'm trying not to become like him, but there is no doubt in my mind I have inherited my father's tendency to rage. I'd like to think I'm not entirely like my father, but I suspect it would be easy to become just like him if I don't watch myself.

Comments
on Nov 18, 2004
All we can hope for is that we are better parents to our children than our folks were. Make that your ambition and things will probably work out.
on Nov 18, 2004
I definetly hope for that.
on Nov 19, 2004
I sang that song when I was in church. Then when I worked at a summer camp, we had a "rhythmic" version which involved clapping and other hand motions. I always hated that version because it seemed disingenuous.

*

I'm sorry you have memories of your dad like that. I know I inherited my dad's temper, too. Probably figuring out the way to control it is more important to me than the embarrassment of knowing that I have a bad temper. Maybe. I don't know. I still haven't figured out a lot of things.

*

Here's a weird connection: My great-grandparents lived in China for 50-odd years. They were missionaries. That's where my grandfather grew up until he was 18 and why he always had a great love for all things Chinese, which is why I asked you about the tea.
on Nov 19, 2004
I think I'll write all the memories down here some day, little at a time. I didn't used to want to talk about it. I don't want pity or anything, I think I just want to get it out. If that makes sense.


>> Here's a weird connection: My great-grandparents lived in China for 50-odd years. They were missionaries. That's where my grandfather grew up until he was 18 and why he always had a great love for all things Chinese, which is why I asked you about the tea.

What year were they there and which part?

... I've never even been to China myself.
on Nov 19, 2004
It would've been prior to 1936--I *think* that's when they came home because my grandfather would've been 18 then. I'll have to ask my dad--I'm not sure if he knows what part. I'll let you know when I find out. If your grandmother spoke Hokkien, would that mean she's from China? I humbly admit I don't know much about East Asia, but I wish I knew more.

-A.
on Nov 19, 2004
There are many dialect groups in China.

One can say that all chinese do originate from China. But with a long history of her people migrating to all places, you end up with different flavors of chinese. A lot of us in southeast asia are mixed chinese - mixed with the local natives,and have even taken on some of their traditions. I call myself chinese, that is my heritage but I'm not the same as China chinese. I am an overseas chinese - that is the best general term to use. Even the Hokkien that I speak is no longer the same as the one spoken in China, or say Taiwan (where they speak Hokkien like a national language).

To answer your question, if someone speaks Hokkien, it would mean that at least one of their ancestors is from Fujian province, China. Whether that is presently true or not that the speaker is from China, you have to ask the speaker.

I think that if I go to China, i might not be recognised as Chinese. My skin is not as fair as the Chinese in China, and I don't speak the same way they do. I can speak Mandarin, but the accent would be very telling. They would definetly see me as an overseas chinese.

I do not say I am from China. I am from Singaporean, I would tell people I am Singaporean, to give people an idea of my race and color, I have to say I am a chinese, I have a chinese name, brought up on those traditions. The reason why saying I am Singaporean is currently very vague is because in Singapore there are three major races living together, the Chinese, the Malays and the Indians.

Also, it is considered impolite to ask some overseas chinese so directly as, "Are you from China?" Don't be surprised if someone gets offended because for some it is considered an hair raising insult. It is implying that you are backward, it is the same as asking a white person whether they are rednecks. Of course, China is becoming very modern lately. It is just better to ask, "Are you chinese? Where are you from?" and then, after that, ask where their ancestors hail from.
on Nov 19, 2004
>> prior to 1936

Those must be interesting times - just before the war, and in the time of revolutionary changes. They just had the change in government back then, with the Kuo Ming Tang in place. If I'm not mistaken, Japan started their war campaign against China around 1936.