Observations, thoughts and other assorted stuff.
Published on December 23, 2006 By Ravenblack In Life Journals
Most of my friends can really throw a good party. And I really think today’s party was a success, for my friend.

And for me? I just don’t like being at parties, especially when I’m alone in a party where there are many people already in their own groups. The host is a good friend and who has many groups of friends, and all which she invited to her place to today.

What happened was: that I arrived, had something to eat, talked a bit with our group and went off less than half an hour later. Why?

15 minutes after my arrival, two of my friends decided to go off and leave me alone. One had some work to do, and the other had to go home and tend to her kids. Fair enough reasons. And I can’t expect the host to just take care of me. There was supposed to be another friend who was coming much later but I didn’t want to hang around looking pathetic.

I don’t know how to start conversations with people who are already with their own bunch of friends. I hate being clueless. I hate pretending that I’m interested in them. Because I’m not.

Oh yes, you can call me the ultimate anti-social animal. (See additional rant below if you are not convinced.)

I think I come across as some sort of weird to people who don't know me. I suppose people look at me and think that I’m lonely, but it’s worse when you are in a party where nobody really knows you and you know that nobody really cares. Even the internet doesn’t have awkward silences like that. Even 0 replies don’t feel as horrid (0 replies simply means that no one saw you at all unless you are a troll and are being ignored.). When one is standing there looking out of place, one feels like people are looking and thinking, “How sad.”, and then they try to talk to one like they would a lost puppy. That kind of tone.

Or maybe they don’t. It’s weird nonetheless to be in a party and not want to talk to anyone.

So I left, I said my good bye to my host-friend who felt a bit sad for me but at least she was understanding enough not to force me to stay. I guess she knows me very well.

I walked out, got a little lost, took a cab to the town center, bought some books and DVD. I’m gonna to spend my time on those and my beloved internet.

Nothing compares to having real life friends to hang out with, but when your real life friends have their real life stuff to attend to, then it’s best to just accept it and leave the party of strangers. I’m too old to try to fit into new company, nor do I want to. It’s a bit sad us friends can’t spend as much time as we used to, but such is life. At least I did get to see them and see that they are fine.


More rant to get out of system:
PS: Much as I appreciate my friends for inviting me when they throw big parties with dozens of people, I actually really hate going and prefer to be somewhere else. I hate crowds. I hate having more strangers than people I know around me. I really can't stand most other people anyway. The way they look pass you at their friends across the room. The funny way they dress. The way they talk like they own the place or they are closer to your friend than you are. (Most of them, not all, mind you, but still...) But I like my friends which is all there is to it. But gawd I really hate hate HATE these big parties they seem to like to throw!

Comments
on Dec 23, 2006
To me it depends on the party. If it's with a lot of upper class intellectual types who stand in groups talking finance and politics, well...yuck. But if it's with some good down to earth unpretentious people that work for a living and you care about (and vice-versa) then I can be all about it.

Wished I could show you what I mean.
on Dec 23, 2006
Yes, I used to work in an environment where there was the group who were too pretentious and too hip to see beyond their noses. They would just stand in groups and chatter away. I usually say the hellos and look for the shrimp tray and find the music. Then the party would sometimes follow the music because someone else did.! But yeah, I know what you mean Raven. I don't like those types either...parties or people.
on Dec 23, 2006
And for me? I just don’t like being at parties, especially when I’m alone in a party where there are many people already in their own groups. The host is a good friend and who has many groups of friends, and all which she invited to her place to today.

I have one of these to attend tonight. While I'll probably end up having a better time than it sounds like you had at yours, I'm just not looking forward to it. I wish that I was, but I'm not. These are dear friends of mind, and there will definitely be some others there that for whatever reasons I rarely see anymore, so I ought to want to go.

Maybe it's the combined pressures of family, life, and work. Maybe it's just me - actually, it probably is. I've got to make changes in 2007.

Nothing compares to having real life friends to hang out with, but when your real life friends have their real life stuff to attend to, then it’s best to just accept it and leave the party of strangers. I’m too old to try to fit into new company, nor do I want to. It’s a bit sad us friends can’t spend as much time as we used to, but such is life. At least I did get to see them and see that they are fine.

I can so relate to this sentiment!

But gawd I really hate hate HATE these big parties they seem to like to throw!

I've always thrown parties for my guests, but it strikes me that these types of big parties are thrown for the hosts.
on Dec 23, 2006
Shovel: I know what you mean. I'm for smaller parties, just people who know each other.

FS: Workplace gatherings are the absolute worst sometimes. You get to watch some people brown-nosing in public or you get freaks who sit down next to you and suddenly tell you stuff you don't to hear.

Bunnahabhain: The party is thrown for the host. It usually is. I wish the people I know had stayed a bit rather than left. When everyone is talking and you have nothing to say, just doesn't feel like one belongs there. I'm not the kind who can have fun in such situations.
on Dec 24, 2006
SmileyCentral.com

the worst!   
on Dec 31, 2006
I think I've said this before, but I swear you're my alterego.

Hope your holidays are/were good.

-A.
on Jan 01, 2007
Meh. I don't know how it can be better. It's a mostly quiet one at least.
on Jan 01, 2007
I'm happy in a crowd of strangers so long as no one wants to bother me. I love watching people when they're being themselves. Like you, I'm not one for big parties, though. Our New Year's celebration this year was particularly small. We invited a few friends but most already had plans. It ended up being my wife and I plus three friends. We had a ball...
on Jan 02, 2007
That's the best kind of gathering, maso. Glad you had a good time.
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